What helps me when I am conversing with my partner when I am feeling insecure is to view the interaction with curiosity rather than fear. Curiosity is possible in those moments, while patience and compassion are not. I don’t try to make the jump to inner peace anymore, it’s just too far of an emotion from fear, going to a level that is closer to fear, like curiosity, is definitely possible. Curiosity helps me feel less attached to my feelings so the interaction becomes more meaningful rather than adversarial and self-defeating. Feelings are not reality, they are imaginary. Feeling bad about oneself is not reality, it’s a story one has created to make sense of a painful history. You are on the right path to change, don’t get in your own way, try to be curious and detached from your fear.